Find out how I found my way “Getting To Yes”
After a short time working for a German retail company I realized “Merchandisers are very tough 
bargainers”. They do not care whether you are working for the same company as they do. As long as you sit on the other side of the table you are the enemy trying to steal them the largest part of the pie. I had to improve my negotiation skills to get the best deals for the company.
Negotiating is mainly based on experience. You do not get experience over night or by reading books. Thus for me becoming a better negotiator is a never ending task guided by GETTING TO YES by Roger Fisher, William Ury and Bruce Patton.
I read about ten books dealing with “How to become a super successful negotiator” and “Get everything you want in every negotiation” and the like. Their approach did not work out for me. Finally, I gave the “ancient” book GETTING TO YES (first published 1981!) a chance. While reading it, two emotions came up: First, pure happiness because I found a truly humane way of negotiating - I found my way. Second, frustration for wasting time by reading helpless books.
GETTING TO YES distilled
Who does GETTING TO YES work:
1. Overall
You negotiate because you need the other side to help you solve the problem. You have to solve a problem and not wrestle the other side done. Thus, treat the other side as part of the solution for your problem not as an add-on to the problem.
2. How to separate the people from the problem
While meeting with the other side, take the time and figure out how the problem looks from their perspective.
Stay cool if the other side lets off steam. An emotional outburst means they are under pressure, nothing else. In case you feel your emotions are starting to get high, take a brake and ask yourself “Why?” - do you feel helpless, what causes the pressure inside of you?
Communicate your perspective in a way the other side understands. You want them to get on board and not teach them a lesson.
3. Focus on interests, not positions
Attack the problem not the people on the other side. In no way does it solve your problem.
While meeting, do not attack their positions. Instead ask “Why?” or “Why not?” to identify interests behind their positions. Often their (and your) needs are basics like security, guidance, wisdom and power. Oh, and everybody wants to look good.
4. Invent options for mutual gain
Here comes the tough part: Seek to broaden the pie.
We were taught that in negotiations their gain is our loose, because the pie is fixed (Ask a merchandiser in your company). Every goal in a negotiation seams to look like a fixed amount of money. Sorry, this is wrong and to get a different perspective is tough (AND worth the extra work).
For example: You are negotiating with a communication agency how much it will cost to run an advertising campaign. Even if the proposed price is reasonable and within your budget (You know this because you prepared for the meeting!) you normally do not accept the price. You start to bargain for a lower price. You started a four hour bargaining session and got a five percent reduction. Congratulation, you lost: They will not do you a favor and charge you on any extra minute!
What you did not know: The head of the agency wanted to do you a favor in case you accept the fair price. She wanted to bring you in touch with someone very important for you. For her it would have been just one phone call with an old friend. She was willing to help you at no extra costs, if you did not squeeze the last penny out of them AND they would have been much more motivated, because your acceptance would signal appreciation of their work. (Come on, if the agency is not worth the money, go a get another one. It is cheaper for you!).
Thus, take the time needed to brainstorm what else can be done to satisfy both sides interests.
If possible, separate inventing options from deciding which options become part of a commitment. This allows creative minds to create valuable ideas, that might not cost you a penny, just one phone call with an old friend.
5. Insist on using objective criteria
Nobody wants to be take for a ride and you often meet twice in life. Thus, do not trick the other side AND shield yourself from getting tricked.
To shield yourself use fair and transparent standards and procedures. And never yield to pressure. You give in once, you give in forever.
6. Strengthen your alternatives
You have always an alternative. It might be a less attractive, but you have one. Invest time and energy to strengthen your alternatives as much as possible. Develop your BATNA (Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement) early and actively.
In order you cannot reach an agreement where both sides win you are powerful enough to walk away. Think about it for one minute: How would it feel to negotiate and to know that you could walk away. You have the option to negotiate with an alternative party on how to satisfy your needs. I bet, you feel relaxed and powerful.
7. Preparation is the sign of the pro
And last but not least: Prepare, prepare, prepare. To prepare is a sign of the professional and it causes better results (Times are too tough to leave money on the table, especially if the other side is prepared to give you more).
Inspiration
GETTING TO YES teaches me a different mindset!
It is possible to reach agreements where both sides win and no party feels deceived. Preparing a negotiation and the very next meeting is the discipline of a professional.
Why not go on the old school of bargaining
We live in the negotiation age. Nobody knows everything and everybody needs others to reach his or her goal. Neither does a single person has the power to act successfully unilateral in the long run. Remember, you always meet twice in life.
Thus you have to negotiate with others to get them to help you reach your goals. Hardball bargaining might lead to short term success and definitely to long term defeat (and only, if the other side has no alternatives).
GETTING TO YES Biography
In the mid 1970’s William Ury met Roger Fisher. Together (with Bruce Patton) they developed their classic negotiation concept GETTING TO YES. In 1978 they proofed its value during the Camp David peace talks between Sadat, Begin and Charter, which lead to a lasting peace agreement between Egypt and Israel. In 1981 they made there experience publicly available by writing GETTING TO YES. It was not a fast-seller, but a bestseller. They had to talk to some publishers until Houghton Mifflin agreed to publish their work. Today more than five million copies were sold and it has been translated into numerous languages.
Since then, the Authors mediated in numerous conflicts ranging from labor talks and acquisitions to civil war prevention. Together they taught thousands of people on how to get to yes in a humane way,.
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